#AND MANY THINGS WE CANNOT SEE AND OTHER THINGS WE CANNOT KNOW. IS THERE NO SHAPE FOR WONDER IN THIS WORLD

[thebibliosphere]

You know what, that’s fair. It was a throwaway comment meant to be funny and also poke fun at how few votes this poll actually had (at the time of my reblog it had 3k, now it’s 13k) compared to how many actually chronically ill people are on here re: fromkenari’s comment about feeling out of place because of their dash experience.

(And even then there’s so way the number is so small as 13k because so many people don’t even realize they have a chronic illness because of how these things get played down.)

But reading it in the morning I can see how it doesn't read that way, and that's my bad. I am sorry, I should have either expanded on that or just hit reblog without comment.

- - -

Also, this next bit isn't to detract from anything you just said, all the points above are 100% on the money, I’m just going to do some MCAS comfort here for those of us who often feel excluded by the above and I don’t want anyone to snap back at you for making very valid and true points. This is just currently a sore spot in a few online places.

---

Hey mast cell folk: The above isn’t about us.

I know the most common narrative we see online is that ‘chronically ill people don’t go to the ER because they’re used to being sick’ and it can feel really crummy and alienating when it feels like we’re in the ER every other month (sometimes multiple times in a month) but that's the difference between having a ‘‘‘stable’’’ chronic illness and having an acute chronic illness.

Also, let’s be real, we also don’t always go to the ER when we should because we’re ‘used to it.’

Our bodies just sometimes explode in ways that cannot be mediated without emergency medical attention, making the inevitable debt unavoidable. And let me be clear, it cannot be avoided. There’s a lot you can tough out at home but anaphylaxis isn’t one of them. You’re not bad at being chronically ill, you just have an acute chronic illness.

Going back go my original comment, it might be more accurste to say that we are the Spiders George of chronic illness when it comes to ER trips, but we still count. Click the poll.

For the purposes of this poll, do NOT count the following:

Your own birth (unless there were complications/urgent concerns)

Routine check-ups or scheduled-in-advance appointments that just happened to be at a hospital

Visiting or accompanying someone else to the hospital

Use your discretion as to whether to count visits to urgent care.

–

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[psychemochanight]

Honestly, even if I love the new interpretation of Dick as the "angry Robin" that we have these days, sometimes it feels bad that you can't talk about a version of Dick as Robin that isn't like that without getting people saying things like "that's not Dick, he's the angry one, the bloodthirsty one" and... What?

It takes away a lot of depth from the character when people only think of that when talking about Robin!Dick, when, since always, Dick was, quite possibly, one of the best written characters, and one of those that has more nuances to make him a completely human character, not only in the sense of not having superpowers, but of being able to empathize with him.

There are many versions of the story, but the most widely accepted version is that Dick lost his parents at the age of eight, watching them fall because they sabotaged their act, an act Dick probably saw many times, one he knew for sure his parents would never fail... Until it failed, and through no fault of their own.

Dick was a little boy who grew up in a loving family (as far as we know, I still think they were strict, but not necessarily bad parents... We'll talk about the Court of Owls later), and from one second to the next, all of that ended. Even if Bruce was there for him, things obviously weren't the same anymore, they never would be again.

Although many have the idea that Dick escaped from youth center to kill Zucco, in the original stories Dick didn't even know yet about him, at least not that much to know what he really did; but he wanted to escape from juvenile so as not to lose his values, so as not to stop being who he is, who his parents taught him to be.

Even in the lines where he DOES say he wants to kill Zucco, in most cases, when push comes to shove, he wants to prevent Zucco's death. There are some moments where he even confesses that he didn't want Zucco to die, he just wanted justice for his parents.

People now see Dick as the Robin who only saw misfortune and was an absolute menace to society, and while, yes, Dick was an absolute menace, it was only to the villains, who heard a little boy laughing at them before beating the shit out of them. Plus, even as a child he was a master manipulator, both for enemies and allies.

But what about the rest? Robin was supposed to be the light where Batman was the darkness. He was the one who comforted scared civilians when Batman couldn't. He was the sensitivity that Batman cannot afford to show.

Dick Grayson was the one who saved Batman from losing himself in the same darkness that he himself was making his only way of life, and this is something that Alfred has pointed out before. It is thanks to Dick that Batman stopped being the ruthless "hero" he was becoming. Damn, he was the one who softened Alfred's heart in the first place too.

This was the Robin that Superman saw as worthy of carrying the mantle of Nightwing, whom he saw as someone who could represent hope itself.

Bruce didn't start smiling just because of the other Robins like many people now believe, no. Dick was the first to make him smile again, the one who opened the doors for the others.

Dick was always kind and tender-hearted, always joy where there was only devastation.

Even if he was the living nightmare of villains, he was still that cheerful child who wanted to avoid the pain of others. The boy who inspired other heroes, not only because of his skills, but because of his heart.

Dick is a character who, while he is now more recognized as Nightwing than as Robin (which doesn't bother me at all, because that was always his goal when he became an independent hero), he still has a history that people seem to increasingly forget about and pigeonhole his development into something... Flat.

Were there times when Dick had more anger and pain than any other feeling in him? Yes, absolutely YES. But this stage is mostly in his Discowing years, not of Robin as such (I'm not saying there weren't such moments, but there aren't as many as people describe now), or as some animated series showed (I love these series, even if they turned Dick into a feral child who is unable to smile, lol)

Again. I LOVE Dick's portrayal as a feral child and absolute menace to society (which he was), but I also LOVE when artists, writers, and the entire fandom itself appreciates the different nuances of his personality, from his ability to laugh despite the misfortunes in his life, to his sadness that never ceased to be a part of him, until the moments where he could only feel rage and pain and felt that the world was only darkness, unable to see the colors that emerged from the light he projected by himself.

Look at him, he's so cute <3

Does anyone care about this yap? No, but I wanted to let out what I've been repeating in my head for days because people on tiktok have me fed up HAHA

[hadesoftheladies]

I've been seeing some bad faith critcisms on separatism lately, but I will say I don't think it's entirely for no reason. for one, most radblr users don't read theory. it's not unique to radblr. It's just internet culture. most people just reblog quotes. So not only do we have a lot of radblr users that are unfamiliar with radical feminism as an actual theory, but you have a lot who simply don't know how to conceptualize separatism.

I'll be honest, separatism as a subject is confusing. It has many forms, many iterations and interpretations, and it makes sense that many feminists from all sorts of backgrounds get hung up on the details.

So all I'm going to do is clarify my stance in relation to Marilyn Frye's work:

There is no pure separatism. Not in feminist discourse, at least. Separatism as a concept is ALLOWED to be varied. Not marrying a man is separatism. Not living with one is separatism. Not listening to male musicians is separatism. Many feminists can and will disagree.

HOWEVER, I examine the use of separatism, like all other feminist actions, based on how it tackles the primary modes of female oppression by male persons: reproductive, sexual and domestic exploitation. In short, how effective is this strategy in limiting or eradicating men's reproductive, sexual, economic and domestic control over women? This is also what Marilyn Frye is talking about when she defines "sexual access" as the ultimate form of male dominance and patriarchal power. Sexual relations is the primary medium for male brutality and control. Understanding that is KEY to understanding female oppression.

Marriage is historically and institutionally a primary mode of women's exploitation. Just like prostitution and motherhood. Women are disenfranchised, disempowered and de-radicalized in marriages. They are more easily exploited (sexually, reproductively and domestically) and isolated (especially due to imbalance in domestic labor).

I also examine the effectiveness of feminist strategy not only by how it disempowers male dominance and control, but how it empowers female agency. Things that empower female agency are: same-sex spaces and programs, female solidarity, judicial and legislative power, economic power, etc.

By these two metrics, I argue that separatism, that is divesting from male hegemony in any way and centering female solidarity in any way, IS useful feminist action AND a worthwhile strategy BUT NOT a cure-all.

I get a little annoyed when non/anti-separatists discuss separatism as worthless or unserious because it cannot be done in total or even because it is difficult. All activism is brave and difficult because it goes against the status quo.

I won't speak for all separatists, because opinions will vary, but here's what I think:

When I call separatism or celibacy a preventative measure, I AM NOT equating it to being THE solution or THE ONLY solution. Separatism will not stop a woman from being raped BUT IT WILL REDUCE HER CHANCES OF DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL EXPLOITATION ENDEMIC TO THE SPHERE OF HET-MARRIAGE/DATING. The same way abstinence will not make your coochie immune to STD'S, just make the chances of encountering them less likely. All we can ever work with as humans is ODDS not CERTAINTIES.

Some of y'all straight up sound like that condescending ad for Bumble saying "You know celibacy is not the answer." It's AN ANSWER. One that works for very many women.

"But what about the women who can't?" Wherever they are, the conversation is clearly not about them. It's clearly about the women who can. No separatist is out here lecturing women and girls being forced into marriages about feminism to begin with. No separatist is blaming the women in Iran and Afghanistan for what the Taliban is doing to them.

Every woman and girl at some point knows that fear--when recognizing the ever-present threat of male violence--while a rational response, cannot be the solution. To live in fear will be akin to not living at all. It makes no sense to tell women to avoid every space a man may be in. Idk which separatist on here is saying that, but I would disagree with them. That is a decontexualized exaggeration of what most radblr separatists are saying.

WE KNOW men are unavoidable. But the legally binding and socio-economically significant contract of MARRIAGE is avoidable for most of us, especially tumblrinas like let's be serious. WE KNOW that women do not choose whether or not they are victimized, but there are contexts and situations where your odds can increase or decrease. How safe a woman is when it comes to male violence is SIGNIFICANTLY dependent on HOW DEPENDENT SHE IS ON A MAN. Separatism is not, for me at least, a conversation on PROXIMITY but a conversation on DEPENDENCY. Something libfems and choicefems are NOTORIOUS for scapegoating. Women are likely to be endangered by a man if they are at his mercy at any given point and in any given sphere. So, the feminist's goal is to limit that dependence, in the work-force, government, and interpersonal dynamics.

The question of proximity is ALSO NOT (for me) about whether or not rubbing shoulders with a man on the bus will give me evil male cooties, but whether or not my female socialization will kick in and I will end up deferring to him and his needs instead of myself. THAT IS THE VULNERABILITY. Not that men exist, but that women so easily resort to fawning and pouring energy and effort into men for SIMPLY BEING THERE AS A MAN.

Women and girls need female-only spaces to combat female socialization. Without unlearning female socialization, female empowerment is moot. That's just the truth. You'll give a woman an education or a job, and she'll throw it all away for a man. We've all seen this happen. Separatism as a transitional phase is still vitally important.

To say that separatists are victim-blaming for suggesting that women DO have some say and some agency when it comes to protecting themselves is just ludicrous and absurd.

Not everyone can escape cancer. Sometimes it's genetic. Sometimes it's the air you breathe. You don't have total control, but YOU CAN REDUCE YOUR ODDS.

That is the point of a preventative measure. It is not a guarantee, it is just an extra safety net. Some men can and will cut through it, but to act like women can't do anything about it but try appease men, I find, on some level, insulting.

Because men are not these immovable or invulnerable creatures. Our freedom does not depend on their sympathy or moral sense. Case in point: history. Rehabilitating oppressors is not what got any marginalized group their freedom. Some of you sound like MRA's where the only chance women have is gonna come from convincing men and I'm just not sold on that idea like at all.

So am I saying we don't need male allies? Also no! I don't see why this has to be a fucking either or!

The primary fixation of separatist discourse should not be "abstinence" but "decentering." De-centering men in our lives, finances, decisions, etc. Because women are an important, perhaps the most important unit in the patriarchal machine. It is our loyalty to men, our worship of men, our efforts poured into men, that have facilitated the exploitation of our own sex. Being complicit doesn't mean we're any less victims. They are not exclusive in this case.

Furthermore, foregoing marriage is NOT THE SAME as foregoing love. You can have a romantic relationship with a man and NOT COHABIT with him. You don't have to buy a house together or make yourself more vulnerable either financially or otherwise for the sake of proving your love or living up to this enforced ideal of what love ought to look like. You can have a fulfilling loving community and life OUTSIDE of romance, too! Like why tf are we still essentializing romance and gender in radblr???!!! Fucking frustrating! Like we're adults, y'all. We actually have to outgrow the Disney bs. Again, I'm not saying that liking romance is bad, but treating it as the end-all-be-all is literally for twelve-year-olds idc.

Instead of arguing with separatists about what makes a good separatist or not, encourage discussion on creative ways to live the rich life you want outside of patriarchal institutions. You can live with your sister and have a male partner. You can co-parent with your best friend instead of a husband. You can adopt instead of get pregnant or whatever. Literally there's more options now than ever and I can't believe I have to keep explaining this to one of the whitest parts of the internet.

More than anything, I wish the separatist discussion would open up women's imaginations to LIFE OUTSIDE OF MEN. To focusing on WHAT THEY TRULY WANT instead of what they can or can't do. Loving a man doesn't mean you want to live with him or marry him.

Use separatism and separatist discourse to de-center men from being these beings of ultimate fulfilment. Straight, bi, lesbian I DON'T CARE just make sure you're routinely in a space where you can TRUST that you are making decisions YOU WANT to make and that you are WARY of the way patriarchal society constantly coerces us into being in exploitative situations that benefit men more than us.

THAT'S ALL.

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

GINGERWREN'S PAYNELAND RECS 2024!

I can't believe we have had Charles and Edwin for less than a year. Even still, we've had a lot of fun! I wanted to share some fics, art, and gifs that made this year worth it for me personally. I was talking to a friend recently, and we noticed recent rec lists seem to be short, tag based lists with no real input from the list writer. Many of them also seem to rec the same few fics. Sometimes I feel left out as a smaller writer, and I know my favorite fics also don't always make it onto these lists either.

So, gentle reader, I will not be making a list of tags and summaries. You can read the tags on the fics and the art work, should you choose to view. I will be telling you why I love the works themselves. This is the best way I can think to recommend work to you.

Without further ado: the list is below.

WRITING

sweeter than honey from the rock - @dearheartdont

This lives rent free in my head. Literally in my mind this is like a lost episode or something. I do not want to spoil it or anything, but some of my favorite things in it are the world building (there are delightfully sympathetic clients, and witty antagonists), Charles does... exactly what one would expect Charles to do in order to help the client and protect everyone, and he makes things temporarily worse for himself. Rest assured though, there is a very, very satisfying resolution. Really, this is such a wonderful fic.

Winter Bloom - @skinnybritishdudes

PINK!!! EDWIN!!!! NOW!!!! This was my request for our server's Christmas exchange and it blew me out of the water. Genuinely, the magical mischief PLUS the subtle horror PLUS the absolute tenderness at the end?? Was everything I wanted, and more than I expected. Friendship ended with my own pink Edwin origin story. THIS is Pink Edwin now. Run don't walk for this one (as you can see, I still have not calmed down I am so excited about this one).

Nothing Left to Hide - @roseganymede95

I know I need to say more than "spider jar" but there's a point where I just start crying softly and going "spider jar" while I am reading. Honestly I'm sure if I said that to you, you would probably know which fic I'm referring to. It's this one. It's brilliant. It rewired my brain early on and I haven't been the same since. I found a spider jar pin because it may as well be canon in my mind. They call each other mine in the fic what more do I need to tell you to get you to read this? Join the spider jar cult with me.

right. never finished it.- taableclofh

A classic. Charles tries to save Edwin from Hell. He figures some things out in the process. (This is canon divergent in the best possible way and was a real balm on the soul, somehow).

molliculi (soft little things)- @williamvapespeare

This was made in a lab to make me cry specifically. The first time I finished reading it, it was two in the morning. I stared at my bedroom wall for like twenty minutes, bleary eyed, and then finally managed to type something to @williamvapespeare (who was really gracious about whatever mess I sent, lol). God fuck. It's a character study on Edwin. It's a history of living and dying in 1916. It's wondering what it means to continue on existing, but never have lived on with your peers. It's an outsider's perspective on Charles' trying to figure things out. Go. Go now. Suffer with me.

All Rights Reserved- @phoenix-soar

Do you like possessive Charles? (There's one right answer and it's yes). This fic is the fic. This also lives rent free in my brain. I wish I could say something more coherent but honestly I do not know how much I can say- well there is this lovely description where Charles compares Edwin's eyes to the sea on a stormy day (ao3 is sadly down, I cannot pull the full quote, but it was gorgeous). The rest... 🌶️🌶️🌶️

The Case of the Omegaverse Portal - miraworos

Omegaverse, as specified in the title. Also a very well written casefic, and some really satisfying feelings revelations. Once again: 🌶️🌶️🌶️

ART

Kiss (Blue) - @ent-is-indecisive

Genuinely A I am just amazed by how lovely all the kisses you draw are. Like they come out stunningly, over and over. I have no idea how you pull off this wizardry but it is amazing. Anyway I picked the first picture we ever talked about but I am also genuinely blown away whenever you drop something in LOMA

Collab Gifset For Payneland Week- @mellxncollie

I know you have all seen Olly's gifs. If you haven't, what are you even doing? (Maybe you're new here. That's okay). It's something special when Olly makes a gifset for your fic. Genuinely, sometimes I just go back and stare at this one because WOW THOSE ARE MY WORDS. BUT ON A GIF. Genuinely thanks for making my first year in the fandom special Olly.

Pink Slip- @arisprite

Ari was super great during the flash sketch commissions and we had a blast. Now this reminds me of ongoing convos that @majorlb @deadboyslullaby and I have (and perhaps one day we will do something more with those) but the point here is Ari is great. You all should go and appreciate the wide range of payneland she has made. Her fem!payneland is dazzling, and so is her sad boy Charles (which I think is the first piece I ever fell in love with).

RITUALS - @deadboyslullaby

THE RITUALS ARE INTRICATE. This was a collaboration with @likemmmcookies . @deadboyslullaby worked really hard on the inscription around the edges for this one and I am forever in awe of all the little details here. I want more of them doing strange, arcane stuff together always.

ORBWIN IN CHARLES’ RIBS- @jube-art

This is absolutely what I think is going on when one of them is orbing and the other isn't. No I am not taking feedback. Once more, this was a piece of art that re-wired my brain early on. Ribs are for lovers.

BONUS:

Feathers and Fur - merle_p

Super secret rare pair that rewired how my brain works forever. I love you catcrow. I love you Monty that's a little bit depressed a little bit of a masochist. I love you Thomas who can't help but take in strays but still has teeth and hasn't been declawed in this fic. This fic is just... so... gorgeous*chef's kiss*. I won't spoil it for you, but I implore you to read it so I have more people to talk about this pairing with.

These were all my recs for now. Thank you Dead Boy Detective fandom 2024! We may have had some bumps in the road, but here's to a strong and healthy 2025!

[candyswirls]

For the requests - can I please ask for any Gadriel fluff/smut/comfort (any of these) with fem reader? Thank you!!!

I actually don’t write smut. I got this fluffy idea almost immediately. There’s not enough old women. This kinda took a path all its own.

He huffed as he paced impatiently within his room. What was the lieutenant hiding? Even now he was resting in his quarters after collapsing when they came in contact with those marks of chaos. It was too strange. Too suspicious. He-

“Gadriel,” rasped an old voice just outside the door.

He paused in his anger.

“I know you’re in there.”

He sighed, knowing he couldn’t bring himself to keep her out.

He opened his door, letting an old ad mech shuffle in with her cane. Blue lenses were dim and any bit of skin was wrinkled and leathery. Her legs squeaked.

He took a knee and assisted her getting up to sit on his bed. She stared forward, hand resting on her cane.

She patted his pauldron, “You’re still such a good boy.”

He didn’t move as she reached out and pinched a cheek.

“And still very handsome,” she added. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“You know I never deny a visit from you,” the Sergeant said.

“Mmm,” she hummed. “How goes the fight?”

“We have achieved victories but we suffer the loss of our brothers,” Gadriel growled. “Lyreo and Elion… they are dead. And I wasn’t even with them.”

“You regret this decision?” She inquired. “Not like you to split up your squad.”

He scoffed, “It was not my decision. The captain has placed a lieutenant over my squad. He has my command.”

“You do not sound pleased,” she commented while rhythmically nodding. “Speak to me.”

Gadriel spoke freely, “He does things in strange ways. He is cut off and will not speak to us. I feel as though he is already disappointed with us. Condemning our actions before they have even happened! He shuts down my suggestions despite I having lead this squad before him!”

“It is always difficult to relay leadership to another,” she said. “You always found that difficult. You’ve always been ambitious. Hmm, but I sense this is not all?”

“His past is shrouded in mystery,” he exasperated. “He refuses to tell us anything. I question his motives and who he really is. He was part of the Deathwatch, a noble honor, but acts as if though it is a shame! He also collapsed upon coming across signs of the archenemy. Even now he rests in his room.”

“The captain will not listen to my concerns. He is dismissive. I know he cannot afford internal strife among the ranks and is more concerned with this war. Yet why place the Lieutenant over my squad? I have tried to consider what errors I have made to cause this decision but I am still at a loss!”

She placed a hand on his, signaling to him that it was his turn to listen.

She reached up and smoothed back some of his hair, cold metal brushing his skin.

“My poor Gadriel,” she hummed. “So many questions. So few answers. Perhaps this lieutenant is not here as a punishment to you but as a test. Maybe one from the captain. Maybe from the Omnissiah. Maybe just a simple case of clashing personalities. Do not dismiss your past accomplishments and drive.”

“But-“

“Ah, ah, ah,” she hushed. “You can’t fool me. Astartes pass all the time. Baselines even more. The passing of your squad mates is not your fault. Nor is it your lieutenant. There’s always the case of a better or different choice. We don’t always make them. This is war.”

Gadriel looked like he wanted to protest but chose not to. He wouldn’t dare argue with her solely out of respect.

“As for the suspicion,” she continued. “You are resourceful and academic. You know how to research. If others will not tell you, learn for yourself. There should be records on this Astartes. Reading to gain knowledge and learn of history is the best thing one can do for themselves.”

Gadriel nodded, “I know. You taught me that. I planned to go to the archives soon.”

“Good. I shan’t keep you long. We’ll both be headed the same direction. But I had to come see you though. I always know when one of my boys is upset.”

She cupped his cheek, “You fight hard, you follow your orders, remember the codex and what I taught you. But most of all, remember: you should enjoy fighting for the Omnissiah.”

He nodded and found himself resting his head on her lap.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. “You always put me at ease. I am honored to have you as a mentor. I admit, I find physical affection embarrassing but I appreciate you speaking to me in the privacy of my room.”

She chuckled as she stroked his head, “Like I said Gadriel, I know you. Now come, help an old magos back to the archives. My shipment of new legs won’t be here for a bit and these ones are rusty.”

He helped her off the bed and offered his arm as he assisted her out.

[mari-lair]

Between TeruAoi, Terukane and Aoikane which one do u think has the most chance of becoming canon with the story rn? I saw a lot of people on twt saying that Terukane has the most chance right now with the new timeline but I don't fully get why

Aoikane was confirmed canon in the old timeline, and it still has the most chance of being canon in the new timeline.

Just look at these panel. These aren't small implications, these are loud "HEY, AOI AND AKANE STILL LIKE EACH OTHER!!" panels.

Terukane has no chance of being canon, at least, not in an endgame way, the most I can see it happening is Teru having a one-sided crush on Akane. And even that isn't as likely as the overall fandom want people to believe, cause we have gotten a lot of teruaoi hints.

HOWEVER, while unlikely I am not dismissing the possibility of one-sided terukane, cause aidairo has put a lot of effort into keeping Teru's crush ambiguous (like teru not telling his crush's gender when rejecting someone in chapter 1). So there is no way to disprove for sure that Teru doesn't like Akane.

The thing is that teruaoi also can't be disproven unless people go out of their way to have the most uncharitable view possible on the ship build ups. Teru has had so many vague build ups that tiptoe between 'platonic' and 'romantic' with both Aois, to the point even something as impossible as 'Teru like both aois' cannot be explicitly shut down. Not yet. So one-sided terukane wouldn't surprise me if it was canon or if it wasn't.

Now enjoying terukane is one thing, is a good ship with a really awesome and complex dynamic, but the people who genuinely believe they are being written to be canon and that making them canon was always the intention bother me, cause they aren't analyzing the manga, they just... see what they want to see.

I haven't been on twitter in a while but I don't have to be there to know that most terukane shippers there will see the newest chapter and zoom in on this scene to go "LOOK HOW MUCH AKANE CARES!! THIS IS ANOTHER PROOF TERUKANE RELATIONSHIP IS EVOLVING AND WILL BE CANON"

but they will pretend this part doesn't exist.

so at least to me, these 'analysis' read less like people that genuinely love the manga and enjoy analyzing every detail to try to foreshadow the relationships that will be explored, and more like people in denial trying to insert their headcanons and preferences into canon " I WANT terukane to be Endgame so I will ONLY see the terukane parts cause that's what matters, everything else in this manga is a mistake so it shouldn't be considered."

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Hey, I read your post about the harmful impact of saying "going nonverbal" and the like. As a low-needs autistic person who has speech loss episodes, it was really helpful in educating me on circumstances that I never considered, and I really appreciate that!

I have a bit of a question, and if you feel uncomfortable answering for whatever reason, feel free to delete this ask. I also apologize in advance if I say anything disrespectful, and if you can correct me on those things I will be glad to hear it so I can learn to be better.

I have DID and therefore am part of a system. We are all autistic, though we each showcase symptoms differently. Some of our alters showcase symptoms more severely than others, in that they cannot speak and cannot communicate their needs because of various reasons (severe dissociation with body, trauma response, etc). Since I now know nonverbal isn't an appropriate term for us, I'm wondering if you have any thoughts on how we can describe those headmates. I'm not sure if they fully fit saying that they have "speech loss episodes", because they are fully unable to communicate at all times (even with the rest of us), though they are not always "in the driver's seat" of the body, so to speak. What do you think would be an appropriate term for them? (I know this might be a bit out-of-bounds of your experience as it's more about dissociative disorders than autism, but if you have any insight, that would be great! I definitely don't want to be using the wrong terminology.)

Again, apologies if this is in any way disrespectful. I see now what you mentioned in your post about how true nonverbal folks are drowned out by folks with speech loss episodes, so I figured it would be best to ask you directly, but if you are unable to answer for whatever reason, feel free to delete this ask! No worries.

We hope you're having a nice day!

no worries, not out of bounds for own experience

yep, you exactly right that alter / headmate / system member / etc who can’t mouth speak in system that can mouth speak, is not nonverbal. even if feel like or is own separate person, even if don’t have so called body verbality because so blendy. — just like how alter who can’t hear in hearing system not Deaf, how darker alter in white skin system not Black or Brown or Asian etc. (though these also continue be issue in system community) — n really glad you noticed (genuine)

personally find best n clearest say “[alter] cannot speak”.

have heard people try coin new adjective identity words for this experience. can look those up if want, but for me they 1) too many n confusing n new n thus inaccessible to keep up so don’t, 2) niche micro label which have its purpose n you may or may not find useful, but in situation of limited communication n time, give unheard of term you then have to define take more time n effort than just quick “can’t speak”, 3) some of them suspiciously way too close to “nonverbal” “nonspeaking”

thank you for question!

[nemainofthewater]

Halfway there and currently Caoxiang are winning with 59.9%, followed by Jiang Yanli with 15.6%, and then in third place Everyone from a Journey to Love.

Tag propaganda under the cut.

Note that it contains SPOILERS. As always, the write in propaganda is the last section, so if you're worried about spilers for things not on this list, you can avoid it

Tang Lian

#many of these are very sad and maybe cry#only one of them fucked me up for a whole 48 hours straight though#partly his death and partly the way we got to watch everyone find out and react to the news!#I’m totally fine!!!!!!#tang lian my beloved#the blood of youth by @jianghushenanigans

Cao Weining and Gu Xiang

#tumblr polls#gu xiang and cao weining 😭#not only was it so tragic#but seeing wkx find out and react was heartbreaking also😭 by @there-and-back-again

#look jyl’s was sad af#and tang lian’s had me going nooooooo#and pian ran’s was SO SAD#but nothing hit me like gu xiang & coa weining’s MY POOR BABIES 😭😭😭 by @unfortunatelycake

#jyl and pian ran hurt me#but WORD OF HONOUR DESTROYED ME by @sothisiswhyiamhere

#I never finished word of honor#but I heard about those deaths#that's painful enough right there#though jiang yanli comes second#if we're taking non-cdrama though#ianto jones death still haunts me by @ihavetothinkofaname

#i was between the wow couple and everyone from ajtl#i cried so hard for everyone from ajtl but at least most of them were profesionals who were prepared for their deaths#the happy couple shouldnt have died they didnt know it was coming and neither did we.#the shock just took me out. still does by @fealiniel

#god bai jiu really does deserve that#however. maybe because it eas my first brutal cdrama death. i cannot get over cwn and gx by @nutcasewithaknife

#gx and cwn tore out my heart omg#ive only watched a couple on this list and honestly i was also v upset by pian ran but word of honour takes it by @annagrzinskys

#I only know the first one but that’s enough#I’m still in denial about#word of honor#polls by @auroramagpie

#gx and cwn#i cried. every time i watch the episode i cry#everyone (a journey to love) cracked me up by @dommingjeffsatur

#look I was already spoiled for weining's death but to find out is was THAT guy who killed him broke me by @prideofyunmeng

#so many good ones#gu xiang's tore my heart apart ngl by @jaimebluesq

#Gu Xiang and Cao Weining deserved win :sob emoji: by @measured-words

#all i know hurt#but none like gu xiang and cao weining by @fire-burning-brighter

#GU XIANG AND CAO WEINING#there's something to be said for not being spoiled#cause it was SURPRISING#you know?#it was not expecting the happy ending to go so poorly!#it was watching the train wreck in motion and not being able to stop it#it was gu xiang telling gong jun to KILL THEM ALL#it was cao weining never seeing the betrayal coming!#that HURT ME#cdrama poll#lmao i forgot gong jun's character's name lolol#anyway#THEY ARE ALIVE IN MY HEART#MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WHOM by @wanderingthunderstorm

#GU XIANG AND CAO WEINING HANDS DOWN#i had never cried so hard during a cdrama before by @dripping-moonlight

#omg ouch#it sounds like fangs of fortune is pretty gut-wrenching D:#but i had to vote for Gu Xiang and Cao Weining ;__; by @vergoftowels

#shijie was PAINFUL but good god a-xiang and her dumb boy made me weep#they were SO CLOSE to a life of happiness and the hope of acceptance is what killed them i CRIE#woh by @ouaismongars

#I may have cried a river for Yangli and Tang Lian but Word of Honor was such a betrayal that I had trouble breathing through my tears#spoilers by @cherryvampyyri

Everyone (A Journey to Love)

#but I'm obligated to pick AJTL as a chronic Yuan Lu and Yu Shisan lover (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) by @rose-tinted-vision

Other

#look I know he was a very minor character but teng zijing’s death in JOL had me openly sobbing at work#guest were asking me if I was ok#very embarrassing! to this day I am still fucked up over it! by @bitterfrosts

#bai jiu (fangs of fortune)#there's only for so long I can see a kid being burnt to death while he keeps yelling out his gege's name by @travalerray

#beware the spoilers in my tags#i haven't seen most of these so it's hard to say#but yeah gu xiang and cao weining were rough#it was so much worse in the book too#teng zijing from joy of life was also Not Okay#but if we include animated wuxia then i would say the one that got me the worst#would have to be qiu shenji from da li si rizhi#it has a live action now i think but i'm terrified of it because it looks not even remotely similar to the original story by @sirspamzalot

#yeahhh#literally everyone from fangs of fortune#but especially my baby ying lei by @endrega23

In honour of the fact it is the evening preceding the birth of a religious figure best known for rising from the dead please have this poll.

They are alive in our hearts 😭😭😭😭😭

There are SPOILERS

SO MANY SPOILERS

PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK

Write-ins, propaganda, and images are welcome!

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 9 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4])

it's still agatha and her river

mama, I'm sorry I got upset. mama I'm sorry we're both starving tonight. I promise I'll do better tomorrow.

a six year old taking responsibility and apologizing for his mother's shortcomings.

agatha looks down at her precious little boy's pleading face

and she smiles at him, and nicky gives her a big relieved grin.

evanora is not stealing this moment. she did her worst to fuck with agatha's brain chemistry, but in one fundamental thing she failed: agatha is capable of loving her kid. despite all her other shortcomings, she will never blame nicky for her own faults.

she does a cute little dance for him, and this is what they do, isn't it? he's too small to explain his big feelings and she is too scared, and so they sing to each other and hope the love is understood anyway.

see how he touches the brooch? if only she could have loved nicky in vacuum, without any of the emotional baggage. but he is only the last link in a long chain of witches, pain and and tears and blood that made him what he is. agatha cannot escape her identity and legacy no matter how much she tries, and she couldn't protect nicky from it either.

the last time she sees nicky alive he's smiling adoringly at her. this is the boy she can't face in the afterlife, because her own guilt is so strong she's convinced he will hate her.

nicky dies peacefully in his mother's arms. his soul wakes up and sees rio waiting for him.

that some good cinema dear lord

rio waves at nicky. he doesn't know her (when who will return?) but he still trusts her implicity - she's been around him his whole short life, in the woods, in the water, in his lungs.

and - the bit that destroyed us all - she makes nicky go to agatha one last time. go kiss your mama goodbye.

light and dark, growth and decay, here and beyond.

remember when alice died and the camera turned upside down? ot stops halfway here. agatha has been affected so profoundly by nicky's death that she can never let herself go back to the land of the living, but she's also too scared to follow rio to the other side. she's stuck in the middle, consumed by the impossible dream of bringing nicky back, never allowing herself to find peace and companionship again. in love with death, but running away from it.

(people never seem to make crack and humor vids for episode 9, isn't that curious? when it's soooo fun and lighthearted!)

well ain't that just brutal

I have always known

This Road is cruel and wild

I bury my own heart

Here with you, my child

(I think those are lavender flowers? I'm not 100% sure)

coolcoolcoolcoolcool. that's fine. I'm absolutely fine.

BARRIERS UP right away. even if she looks like a mess. especially because she looks like a mess. she's not showing weakness in front of anyone, she's protecting her grief like a jealous goblin, and since she cannot run, she straightens her dress and gets ready to fight. the option to ask for help and comfort doesn't even cross her mind.

her eyes still full of tears / agatha gets another wonderful, awful idea.

we've seen this so many times, haven't we? the real agatha disappears behind the character she plays. the agatha we've seen from the very start, since the moment she walked into wanda's living room, has been a lie. very few people have ever seen a hint of the poor bruised heart she hides inside, and only to rio and (to some extent) nicky she has ever opened up.

how can someone go from total heartbreak to planning murder in the span of two minutes? well, you can if you are agatha harkness and have never learned one healthy coping mechanism in your life. and I'm sure she's already rationalizing it as something like "if I get powerful enough I can bring nicky back." but the truth is, she just wants to get drunk on magic and murder and stop feeling so horrible. she's running away, like usual. she's planning to kill witches in front of the grave of the very kid who begged her not to, and she's using his song to do it. as if that's not gonna haunt her or anything.

(it really gets me how agatha's smiles are so different from kathryn's. agatha never smiles with her eyes, except when she's with nicky.)

agatha's diabolical scam is so stupid if you think about, definitely worthy of the clown she has become. just pretend the Road didn't open and then annoy people into attacking you! better than using a literal child as bait, I guess.

here she absorbs a yellow coven, and yep, it does look like covens are all supposed to be the same color?

the bodies from the agnes of westview opening.

orange coven in the late 1800s. I really like that dress and hat on her

blue coven in the 1920s, and another cunty outfit

I know you guys like the 90s look, but it makes me laugh how hard she was trying for that Craft vibe. and we don't see the beams color here.

and finally, our girls. (I miss you all so muchhhhh)

what do you know! looks like a door has appeared! (sharonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!)

from fuck has my karma caught up with me to well well well, looks like we have another little maximoff on our hands

and speaking of little maximoffs and giant assholes...

[spadillelicious]

Spadille!! 💭 what inspired you to create LDR?

(Hey Spike!! :D So sorry for taking forever to answer this...!!) To be honest, there are a bunch of different things that inspired me to make LDR!! Firstly, all the amazing creativity of the dca fandom inspired me to make my own AU. It just blows my mind to see all the wonderful art and writing created for our favourite celestial jesters every day! <3 Some AU:s that were especially influential to me that I would like to mention is @/venomous-qwille :s Ghost In the Machine AU and @/certified-handler :s Dealer's Choice AU.

I find Qwille's writing style incredibly painting and immersive, and it inspired me to get better at writing myself. I also really like the way they use music for some of their scenes! (that one scene where Misuta sings a line of Eurythmics' 'Sweet Dreams' hit especially different, and sent me down a rabbit hole of reconnecting with 80s synth music. I still haven't recovered over a year later haha <3 /lh )

And for Certi's writing, I cannot get over how good they are at writing scenes that just fill your heart with butterflies with how suave the dca are in their AU!! They're also really good at writing very tense, high-stakes scenes, and their AU has so many twists and turns that I always struggle to put the fic down <3 I really enjoy how the reader isn't sure who to trust out of Sun and Moon in their fic, which is something I wanted for LDR too :)

Besides the incredible works of the dca fandom, I also really like the aesthetics and nostalgia of the 80s and retro tech, which was something I wanted to include in my AU as well! I grew up with stuff like cassettes and VHS tapes (though not in the 80s), and reconnecting with that stuff felt... healing in a way I guess?

Speaking of 80s stuff, rollerskates have a special meaning to me as well. 

I grew up in a place where there are barely any places to rollerskate, but instead plenty of places to ice skate. It's cheap, and everyone knows how to. But I just suck at ice skating. I've tried to learn my entire life, and I still can barely stand on them.

When I was 15 though, I got to try rollerskating for the first time. There aren't any roller rinks where I grew up, but for PE class in high school, we could choose to rollerskate or play soccer. So I chose rollerskating, borrowed some knee pads and outdoor skates from a nearby YMCA, and for the first time I actually enjoyed skating. 

I still wasn't any good at it, but it was so much more fun than ice skating, and it felt like it was something that was much more... me than ice skating. I will always hold the memories of rollerskating around the lake, under the summer sun with my friends, close to my heart <3

And regarding what inspired the other, less sunny side of LDR... Maybe I'll talk about that some other time.

[sl-newsie]

American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 55: Resolved Debt

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share

For the rest of the day I keep myself busy by cleaning out the entire house. Every time I look over at my suitcase in the corner my stomach ties into a knot. Maybe Alfie’s right. I shouldn't be here. All that’s happened since I got here has gone from complicated to worse. And- 

Okay, where is Thomas? I take another glance out the window. Mr. Solomons has returned with his gang but Thomas is missing. He wouldn’t forget to accompany his friend back to his car. Did something come up?

I leave Charlie asleep on the sofa and stick my head out the door to call across the street.

“Where’s Thomas? I thought he was with you.”

Alfie looks up and sees me shouting. He motions for his men to wait and walks over to the front steps, leaning his cane on the railing.

“The man left for some errands. Mentioned something about the foundation or whatever.”

“Just him? No one else went with him?”

He scoffs. “How the fuck would I know?”

That doesn’t sound like Thomas. All these weeks he’s stressed about security and keeping in pairs. He would have told Alfie where he was going.

“Alone…” A light flicks on in my head and panic sprints through me. Polly! “That’s means-! I need to find him!”

I lurch forward to start running but Alfie reaches out and grabs my arm. No no no! This must be what Polly set up! Changretta will want to get Thomas alone so he can kill him-!

“Whoa, whoa.” Alfie tugs me back. “Whatever this mess is, you are not in it.”

I try to pull away. “Polly did this! She-!”

“Not. Your. Business. You want something to do? Go tend to his boy.”

“I-”

“Verena.” The Jewish gangster gives me a certain look. “We both know that a father without his son is the worst thing we can let happen to him. He needs someone like you to look after Charlie.”

“I have been!” I cry out with a cross between rage and despair. “And he never tells me anything! I am not going to wait for a note saying he’s been shot!”

“Steenstra, coming from a man who knows how Tommy thinks, let me say this. He has strange ways of showing affection.” Alfie, seeing that I’ve calmed down a fraction, pats my shoulder. “I’ll leave it at that.”

Yes, because that cleared up so many questions! I watch the man stride back to his car and see him give a final wave as the vehicle starts driving away. So I’m subjected to what all other Shelby women struggle through. Staying safe indoors while I wait for Thomas to tell me what’s going on. 

Thud! The sound of the back door sends me sprinting down the hall. No more of this-! 

“Polly?”

The Romanian woman walks past my shocked face and starts to light a cigarette.

“What a surprise,” I droll darkly. “Are you here to apologize to Charlie for killing off his dad?”

She flicks some ash into the sink. “Tommy isn’t dead.”

Not dead? Not…? Okay, then what did happen? She can’t hide it from me! Polly’s worried just as I am!

I clench my fists and march straight up to her. “Somebody better start telling me what the fuck is going on right now-!”

“We’re holding a family meeting,” Polly explains all too calmly. “I’ll explain everything then. Right now, keep your head clear. You don’t need to pick up Tommy’s hot-headedness.”

“My head clear? My head clear?” I hiss. “Do you have any idea how hard I’ve been trying to keep a clear head throughout these past weeks?”

Polly just shakes her head and walks off to see Charlie. My shoulders slump and I lean against the wall. Not Polly too. Is Ada the only other one who understands this insanity? Can somebody tell me anything?

Knock knock.

I cannot handle any more of this. That better be a bloody angel because, dear God, I need some good news-!

“Hello.”

Thomas. It’s Thomas. Alive. Holding a parcel.

“Thank Christ. You son of a bitch!” 

My anger fazes into frustrated relief and my knees buckle. Thomas uses his free hand to grab me just before I can crumple to the ground. He stands me up and I bury my face into his warm coat. At the same time I weakly pound a fist against his shoulder, still raging about his return.

“Y-You could’ve- I thought you were going to die!” I gasp. “What happened, Thomas? What the fuck is going on?” I look back at the parcel. “And what is this? More guns?”

Thomas clears his throat and helps me stand straighter. “Verena, about the argument from before. I understand that you’re only looking out for your family. None of this is your fault. I know you’re not working for Changretta.”

“Thomas… That’s really sweet, and I accept your apology, but just moments ago I was about to pull my hair out worrying about if you had been killed!” 

“Here, here. Let’s get inside.” Thomas ushers me back into the warm house and shuts the door. “I know, none of this has been fair for you. And the Hudson-”

“Don’t mention the car, Thomas. I needed to stop keeping quiet and thought that it would help-”

“Oh it does, love.” Thomas licks his lips. “It’s a gorgeous car. But I still owe you a big apology for this whole mess. So to make it up, Charlie and I picked out this a few days ago. Thought you’d like it.”

He passes me the box. Why does he look… scared? Excited? It’s hard to tell. And why is the box light? I remove the top and peer inside. It’s- It’s… A beautiful white coat! An elegant, warm coat that feels almost too soft to the touch. He picked this out for me?

My jaw drops and I immediately start shaking my head. “Thomas, I cannot accept this. It’s too much.”

Thomas sees the joy in my eyes and refuses to take the parcel back. “‘Course not. You need something to keep you warm here. Please.” He puts a hand over mine and gently pushes the box further against me. “Please take it.”

“It’s genuine fox fur!” I gush. “This must have cost a fortune! If I wear this half of England will come running expecting me to be some prime duchess or somebody important.”

“You are important. To us.”

He didn’t say ‘to me.’ Is this an apology for the argument or saying sorry for pushing me onto the ‘women to pay no mind’ list?

“Thanks again for watching Charlie.”

He’s had his hands full with this vendetta business that he’s had no time for his own son. A steep understatement. So was I wrong? Thomas really does care? He just… has strange ways of showing affection.

I grudgingly accept the gift and smile warmly. “You never need to thank me for watching him.”

Thomas closes his eyes and rubs his temple. “There’s so much I need to thank you for, love.”

Then why do I still feel pushed away?

“Thomas.” I hold up the coat. “You don’t need to apologize with this. Just promise me you will keep me informed. Promise me.”

He leans against the wall I’ve backed him into and sighs. “I can’t.” His piercing blue eyes look down at me with something I can’t quite decipher. “You know why.”

I bite my lip and take a deep breath. “Yes. I know why. But it doesn’t hurt to ask again.”

I love you, Thomas! And it makes me saddened with worry and sick with anger that I will never be good enough for you.

Thomas starts to reach over but holds back. “I know you still believe I’m worth saving. But- But all I’ve given you are more problems. You don’t-”

“Tommy.”

Polly cuts him off and motions for him to follow her to the parlor. Did she do that on purpose? How am I supposed to pry anything out of Thomas without being interrupted?

Thomas sits in an armchair, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, and stares at Charlie playing with his blocks. He doesn’t notice right away when Polly offers him a drink.

“What do you think you’re going to tell Arthur?” she asks.

Thomas doesn’t blink. “I’m going to tell them the truth.”

“Did she like the coat?” Charlie asks shyly from the floor.

Thomas doesn’t answer right away so I speak for him. “I love it, Charlie. It’s beautiful. Did you help pick it out?”

He grins proudly. “Yeah! It was the softest one.”

In the corner of my eye I see Thomas look over at me. He’s still holding something back. But what?

Polly moves over to look out the window. “They’re here.”

I will have to wait for another time. Again. I was so close to telling him.

Another family meeting. Another awkward silence while everyone waits for Thomas to speak. This time I choose to wait with Charlie in the hall while everyone else gathers around the table.

After a minute Arthur speaks up. “Heard there was a shooting today.”

Thomas nods. “Yeah. I killed three men today. Now our enemies will have to wait.”

Arthur and I exchange the same look of surprise, while Lizzie and Ada don’t look the least bit shaken. That’s what was waiting for Thomas today. But he lived.

Charlie tugs at my skirt and points to his dad. “Was daddy in trouble?”

“No, no,” I whisper and kneel down next to him. “Your vader just met up with some bad men.”

“Suppose they took you by surprise?” Arthur asks gruffly.

“No. I knew they were coming.”

Hold the phone. He knew?

Polly speaks up. “A few months ago I received a letter from Luca Changretta, offering to spare my son if I gave up Tommy. And I gave Tommy up.”

“Which is the plan that Polly and I agreed on,” Thomas explains. “I knew Luca would want to pull the trigger himself so I used this as a setup to bring him in.”

He locks eyes with me and sees my growing irritation. All this time? He knew all this time what he was getting himself into and he told me nothing! 

“I didn’t get Luca, but I got three. All right?” He walks over and leans down to pick Charlie up. “Come here, you.”

Johnny Doggs holds up a glass. “I thought you’d gone soft. I drink to you, Tom.”

“So you got three?” Uncle Charlie asks.

Thomas nods. “I got three.”

“Well, I drink to you, Tom.”

Charlie looks back and forth in confusion. “Dad, you got three what?”

Thomas laughs and pokes his chest. “I got three shillings for a two-shilling horse.” I guess that’s one way to put it. “Now, my boy, you come with us, eh?”

Charlie giggles and gives me a wave goodbye. Arthur lets out a laugh and ruffles the boy’s hair.

“Been playing with Aunt Verena, eh Charlie?”

Suddenly Thomas’ gaze hardens. “No, Arthur.”

“Why not? She’s basically a sister.”

Yes. Why not? I should think that I deserve aunt status at this point. And why is Polly looking at Thomas like that? Almost like she knows something…

The Romanian woman catches me looking and busies herself by grabbing her coat. “I’m picking up Michael from the hospital tomorrow. Then I'm dropping him off to Mr. Gold on the outskirts.”

I stifle a laugh. “Michael? In the woods? He’s going to hate it.”

Polly rolls her eyes. “He’s going to deal with it.”

Once she walks out, Thomas sticks his head back in, with Charlie still clinging to his neck.

“We’re going out for a drink. When I bring Charlie back for his nap, will you watch him ‘til I get back tonight?”

I put my hands on my hips and give him a cheeky glare. “I suppose Charlie can spend more time with his non-aunt.” My teasing fades. “You’re not staying?”

Thomas notices my disappointment and tilts my chin up. “I've got some paperwork but I’ll be back. I promise.”

Thomas does fulfill his promise… eventually. He brings Charlie back just as it starts to turn dark, tucking the yawning child into bed. But he walks back out again, no doubt off to overwork himself. Thomas seemed eager to come back but does not return until the early hours of the morning. I don’t know what kept him but when I hear the door open I put down the dishes I’m washing and head straight for him.

“You’re back late. Charlie’s- Thomas? What is it?”

His face. All hints of conquering and happiness from earlier are gone. Replaced by a sad stare. He looks as if someone just slapped him.

Thomas’ mouth opens and closes while he tries to think of what to say. He pinches the bridge of his nose and removes his hat.

“Did Polly tell you?”

Tell me what? In case he hasn’t noticed yet, I’ve been kept in the dark with many important bulletins as of late. 

“I take that as a no.” Thomas lets out a deep breath. “Lizzie, she’s… pregnant.”

Tug! My body goes still and I grip the dish towel even harder. The blood drains from my face. My heartbeat screams in my ears. I lean against the wall, keeping my shocked, distraught face hidden away. All this time…

“Th-That’s wonderful, Thomas,” I manage to say through my shreiking thoughts. “Another baby is another blessing.”

I feel Thomas put his warm hand on my tense shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Alright? Alright?! Is he fucking joking?!

“Yes, just tired.” I pull away and fling the towel onto the counter, changing to a colder persona. “Is there anything else, Mr. Shelby?”

My heartless tone hits Thomas square in the chest. A sorrowful look freezes over his face. Good.

“No.”

“Congratulations again. I’m sure Charlie will be happy to have a sibling.”

I rush back to my room and fight the urge to slam the door right off its hinges. It’s happening all over again. They have a baby, he marries her, I’m pushed away again. Sticks and stones, best wishes to them both. At least Grace brought a sense of peace to Thomas. Lizzie only seems to bring out the rough side of him.

Lizzie Stark? Lizzie fucking Stark. Back to his old ways. He will kiss any woman but me. Always another woman. Just when he starts to open up, he uses someone else. Is my love invisible to him? There he goes again, back to Lizzie while I’m taunted for being single. 

Thud! That was the front door.

Yes. Go, Thomas. That’s one fucking context clue you pick up on! I want to be alone.

I’m just another whore to you, Thomas Shelby. You’ve said it yourself. We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves. I’ve sold you my time. Each year I saved my time for you and your family, your Shelby Company Limited. And for what? 

Ring! Ring!

If that’s Lizzie Stark I’m going to rip the phone clear from the wall! I roughly pick up the receiver. On the other end I hear the distinct chatter of two people.

“Verena?”

No. No. No. I do not need a talk full of pity.

“Please, Finn… Not now. You too, Ada.”

I hear Ada sigh. “He told you?”

I choke back a sob and wipe the pooling tears from my eyes. “Yes. God smiles on us again.”

“Verena-”

“PLEASE!” I shriek and cover my mouth to keep myself from breathing too fast. “Just- Just leave me be.”

I hang up before they can argue. That does it. I’m not playing this game anymore. As soon as this bloody fight is over I’m packing my bags for home! Company employee or not, I will not stick around to work in these harassing conditions. Despite my lingering love for that klootzak, it’s not enough to win me over to stay anymore. No more moral obligation. My debt is finally paid.

Maybe I will be too cold, Thomas. Too empty and numb. But I’ve followed you around too long, hoping you might love me back. If this is what it takes to earn love, it’s a cost I’m not willing to pay.

And yet even if I’m leaving for good, my heart will never be free from you.

@meadows5

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Chapter One

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

We begin chapter one with a blueberry jasmine tea!

I will say that tomorrow I probably wont be posting a chapter. My mom and sister are visiting my partner and I for the holidays tonight and staying until Sunday afternoon, so I likely won't be able to read until Sunday.

Anyways, send good luck my way because we are likely going to play a vicious game of monopoly.

Let's go chapter 1!!

okay, my assumptions going in was that this was a very serious series about tough trials and hardships but here we are starting this chapter with XIe Lian taking "first place on the chart of Heavenly Officials Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the Mortal Realm". This is kind of camp. is this the series energy??? p23

omg they literally made the chart for him p24

RIP that bell. had a good run. pp24-25

I can't lol. this poor guy. If things are there that shouldn't be- Xie Lian's fault. If there are things missing that should be there- also Xie LIan's fault. How does a single guy cause so much damage? p25

Okay this is an open question to anyone. I am confused about this merit system. I totally understand that gods get merits based on worships/offerings/beliefs/temples whatever. What I do not understand is how a god gets points from a martial god kicking his ass? p26

This is so real. Bro forgot the password p27

not them placing bets on how long he'll last this time. This is so funny p27

these deities are so rude to him! He's just trying to apologize and they are so condescending. I love an underdog though so I'm rooting for this man. p29

Oh shit okay. I take back my previous contempt. This was the guy hit by the bell. p29

aaaaand we have the added salt that these two know each other previously. Xuan Zhen/Mu Qing being from Xianle Palace as well. pp30-31

Bless Ling Wen for keeping this man in check. Honestly best Heavenly Handler p32

Jesus. It's as though Xie Lian is in a room talking to all his exes. This is so awkward! Nan Yang/Feng Xin also being from Xianle Palace p33

Why am I so nervous about Xie Lian going on this mission??? Bro has 0 power, 0 respect, and attracts bad luck like nobody's business. p38

omg. even the clouds are against this man; causing a three day delay in his travels for blowing him the wrong way basically. Truly the god of misfortune. p39

Well. At least he has some help now? Nan Feng and Fu Yao. Also I am curious about the butterflies? Do we find out more? Is it a heavenly official thing? because if it is, that's cute. pp41-42

The name change from Lower Court to Middle Court is so funny to me. This is some pure bureaucratic drama, like 10/10 would see this in an office. Honestly this realm would make such a solid office/workplace au. pp42-43

Oop. Nothing like your support being from the palaces that absolutely hate you. p43

Well at least they are both here as "willing" volunteers and their generals don't know they are actually there. I do however sense some shenanigans due to this pp43-45

Oh Wait! This mission sounds so rad! A bride eating monster?!?!?!? I can't wait p45

Strong start!

I already have so many questions that I am going to assume will be answered somewhere between now and the other seven books BUT I am so ready. We already got a workplace drama, an exciting mission, and this adorably useless little man trying his best. I cannot wait for chapter two!

[omnium-gatherums]

Hey guys, can we like not shame people or make them feel bad because they aren't as educated on CDDs?

I don't even think you guys actually understand "do your own research" or just researching things in general as some of you might think you do, and I don't say this in a shaming way or as if I'm better than you, but many of you (mostly anti-endos) will sit here and complain about people not doing their research and yet will literally state outright myths about CDDs that literally take a single Google search to debunk and it's kinda crazy to me. Like I still see so many of you continue to assert the myth that DID is rare, yet acting like you are educated on CDDs. DID is literally not rare, not as rare as you think or act like it is, and it takes one singular Google search, one singular reading of the page "DID Myths and Misconceptions" on BeautyAfterBruises to even confirm this, or literally looking at any other website that properly educates about trauma, dissociation, and dissociative disorders.

And can we not act like researching is easy? Or like everyone is even interested in researching CDDs?

Sorry, but your average layperson isn't interested in reading complex ass research papers or reading long books with complex jargon in them in order to educate themselves about something, and let's not act like everybody is interested in doing this or as if it's easy.

And this isn't even getting into the fact that so much research is inaccessible, and most people don't fucking know about websites like Sci-Hub or free ways to get books or anything to be able to even ACCESS this research at all.

And this also isn't even getting into the fact of "how do I know if something is accurate?", "how do I know how to READ and UNDERSTAND research papers", etc.

I also don't think you guys actually understand what "do your own research" means - sorry again, but you cannot get a full or better understanding or grasp of CDDs if you do simple Google searches and read like a few webpages or something and be done.

It took me YEARS to research CDDs, and KEEP researching them, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, reading the same things OVER AND OVER again before I really fully started to understand CDDs and really feel confident in my knowledge enough before I ever even started USING this account to educate others. Hell, I didn't start being open about my DID until I was diagnosed just 2 years ago, and I was questioning DID well before that, researching it well before that.

I'm still re-reading things and understanding them so much more and so much better as I've changed, grown, and learned more as a person, and as our dissociation has been slowly chipping away in tiny crumbs.

It's okay to not be super educated on CDDs, and it's okay to not educate others on CDDs. You can simply have a CDD and be a person with a CDD online talking about your CDD and hanging out with others and making jokes and venting and chilling and not necessarily "educating" others about CDDs.

Be kind to people, let's not treat people like shit or shame people just because they aren't educated or something.

And if you are interested in research, being pointed towards more research papers, want to know other fun little tips and tricks to research and how to access things etc., you can check out my post "What You're All Getting Wrong About DID." I poured a lot into this post over the course of many months to put it together, and I truly think it's a truly amazing post to educate people about DID, even if I'm biased :P It's still one of my favorite posts we've made as well.

And if you are someone who isn't very educated, it's not shameful. It's hard and it's confusing and it's not easy!

[radical-fire-vixen]

so you didn’t read any of what i said, huh.

“so many cultures don’t eat meat” good for them? how do they supplement nutrients? do they eat a lot of mushrooms? seeds? and do they have to eat more just to get the same nutrition as a person eating a few ounces of meat alongside some veggies? like a little bit of meat replaces a lot of plant material for the same amount of calories.

“it is a fact that most meat comes from factory farms” source? like genuinely, what is the source for that? i would like to actually see the sources up on the screen as this is being said. because that sounds like an American centric claim. and ruminants emit a lot of greenhouse gases, but the real problem is the damaging of carbon sinks like the arctic and the ocean that cannot take in the carbon and store it and taking carbon outta the ground in the form of fossil fuels and releasing that carbon into the air. there were tens of millions of bison roaming North America until the 1800s, and were they causing climate change with their gas emissions? doubtful.

climate change didn’t take off as we see it until the industrialization age. when coal power was being utilized and smog started becoming a thing in cities.

i have absolutely no problem with environmentalism; i’m an environmentalist myself. i have done the research. i’m a fucking biologist and environmental scientist. i know what i’m talking about. so whenever i read about veganism being superior to eating meat, i will state facts.

like do any of y’all vegans actually know anything about biology or ecology or environmental science? have any of you ever studied animals, or plants, or any part of the biosphere? do any of you know about the carbon cycle? what’s actually fueling climate change? spoiler alert: it’s excessive military spending driving it the most, not farmers keeping animals to feed other people.

once again, being a vegan has literally NOTHING to do with female liberation. they are two separate things. keeping farm animals is literally nothing like slavery, and it’s truly disgusting whenever i see that comparison.

keep your vegan bullshit outta the female liberation tags. you are obfuscating the entire goal of feminism.

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I'm sure it won't be the last time. I AM SICK AND BLOODY TIRED OF THESE MFS, HALF OF WHO DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT CURSED CHILD, BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT AN ANGSTY TEEN DARING TO BE AN ANGSTY TEEN, I WILL FIGHT THE LOT OF YOU

(this is gonna be a bit long and probably incoherent so sit down and fucking listen to me 🔫 stick with me because I'm not just complaining about albus haters)

eVERYBODY wants cOoMmpllEeXx relatable HUMAN characters - and then SHIT themselves when the flaws a CHILD has isn't just 🥺 uwu im socially awkward and traumatised 🥺. that's why scorpius doesn't get this fuckass treatment, because his terrible human flaw is that he's a bit shit at conversation and gets sad about his dead mum (generalised understatement, but this post isnt about him. dont come for me i love him 🫶🏻)

god forbid albus, who feels unloved and unwanted (with valid evidence for a teenager), albus who feels completely out of place and outcast from his entire famously-close-knit family, ablus who is well known by the world by default via Harry and hates the attention and high expectations, albus who then gets targeted and bullied by his peers because he's not as perfect and brilliant as his father, albus who is then isolated from his one friend because Harry is making irrational ptsd fueled decisions, albus who tells Harry completely sincerely that he knows he's unlikeable but he'll try and change himself and be more like his siblings because he genuinely believes that's what Harry and everyone else whos had the misfortune of meeting him wants, albus who spends the entire play trying to prove himself and fix things via idiotic childish decisions BECAUSE HES A WHOLE UNSTABLE CHILD

god forbid that CHILD doesn't react like a patient, supported, well adjusted, level headed adult. god forbid he reacts outwardly. god forbid he reacts at all, my bad. clearly he should just sniffle a bit as if he doesn't feel suffocated and helpless by everything in his life, because obviously hes just a spoiled brat who doesn't know what real suffering is. god forbid he complains or feels anything negatively, or doesn't quite grasp that other people are struggling too because he is too busy trying so hard to deal with himself and his declining mental health the best he can with basically no support or understanding. god forbid he isn't completely perfect.

you all sound like some fucking boomer telling teenagers they don't know what real struggling is, they aren't mentally ill, they dont have any problems because they have a roof over their head, they should all go to war kids are too soft these days 😫😖😱 fUCKING‼️SHUT UP‼️

he does things wrong but he knows he does and he does everything he can to fix it! and he is fourteen!!! do none of you remember what being fourteen is like 😭😭 I swear half of you have got to be basically fourteen yourselves cmon man

cause I'm seeing this fucking pattern a lot recently. not just for albus, not just in this fandom, everywhere. ‼️ no one can fucking handle flawed characters anymore ‼️ the only thing any character is allowed to have wrong with them is trauma apparently, otherwise they have to be perfect, and I'm getting sick of it. characters and stories are meant to reflect real life, they're meant to help shape our world view, why are you expecting everyone to be fucking perfect??? what happened to nuance? what happened to understanding character development? you are all acting like characters and people are so black and white. either they're perfect or they're insufferable and evil. I won't lie, the most common victims i've noticed of this are women. but the flawed women are typically demonised, whereas the men are typically turned into uwu baby boys who actually aren't capable of doing anything wrong and then fanon goes nuts making them into ittle wittle victims. and I'm so fucking sick of all of it, I hate this. (obviously this is not a strict rule. Albus Potter, and also Albus Dumbledore now I mention it, are demonised beyond belief)

BRING BACK FLAWS AND BRING BACK NOT COMPLETELY WRITING OFF A CHARACTER BECAUSE THEY DARE TO BE HUMAN

I AM FED UP, ALBUS POTTER GET BEHIND ME

[calciferstims]

tiktokers be like “I am going to create the most beautiful, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing video ever, with gorgeous lighting, and deeply satisfying content”. …….. “and then I’m going to cut the video fifty thousand times in thirty seconds-”